Wednesday, 23 July 2008

some definite facts

We've decided to have some of whatever those chaps allegedly in charge of England are having.
It's nice actually.

So. Some things we now know:
  • Darren Pattinson is actually the new Curtly Ambrose. It's obvious. They even look alike.
  • Andrew Flintoff is capable of winning every single match he is involved in, just by merely turning up and spitting glitter at his opponents and baffling them with his sharp wit and intellect.
  • Michael Vaughan is actually made entirely of cardboard, and has a saturday job in Curry's. He supports Real Madrid for rugby.
  • If you are Australian, you can play for any country in the world. Except Australia. Likewise if you are South African.
  • Stuart Broad is too ugly to play for England.
  • Chris Tremlett really enjoys travelling around the world to carry drinks for his friends and colleagues. He especially likes Freddie going out to bat wearing his shirt.
  • ABCDEvilliers is an honourable fielder.
  • Matthew Hoggard is a roof tiler from Victoria.

A Cricket is actually just an insect. So we needn't get too worked up about it.
The England management don't seem to bother about it too much. That's the spirit.

Monday, 14 July 2008

A Beginning!

This is my first ever blog.
So far, it is going very well.
I like cricket.
That seems like a good place to start.

After spending the first 3 days in suspended animation unable to quite believe how much success England were having, and continually slapping myself and anyone nearby in order to determine whether or not I was even conscious, finally, England are producing the goods.
And by that, I mean that they are not losing, but they are not winning.
Thats more like it.

If there's one thing England are good at, its not winning, and if there's another, it's excuses.
Today, we will be told that the positives are the discipline of the bowlers, the difficulty of the conditions, the commitment of the crowd, the splendour of the batting performance.
They truly deserve to win this match, and its sadly not going to happen.
But we're a lot closer to winning than losing, and thats a very english positive to take from the situation.
There are questions being asked of the tourist team. Including:

Why are they fat?
Is Hashim Amla's head on the right way?
Would Graham Smith kill a baby?
Isn't Neil Mckenzie's OCD fun?

That's all for now, I'm feeling quite exhausted with the occasion.
And we got a wicket, so we're almost certainly heading for a win..Lovely.