We've been away a while.
We know it's distressed some of you, and for that we are sorry.
Especially to you Calum, because we forgot your birthday as well, and that was naughty, but we hope you liked the maltesers.
So, in our absence, England got good at cricket.
They've almost been faultless.
South Africa are a good side. But somehow we've thrown them in the pooper and made them look as if they have all the skill and determination of a pack of wine gums attempting a bungee jump.
It feels sort of.. nice. We're experiencing a feeling of.. What is it called. prejudice?no. PRIDE.
and its confusing, and we don't know who to talk to about it, and when things will be normal again, and Harmison will go back to being the long lean streak of crap that we long suspected he was, and Matt Prior will be butter fingers all over again, and we won't have a wicket taking spinner, and someone, anyone, will be out for 0 off 45, and somehow, somewhen, we will lose, and all will be right with the world.
Because if we carry on like this, we could end up beating Australia, god help us.
And, also.. we might even like Kevin Pietersen.
And saying that makes us feel like we have just cheated on Michael Vaughan with his younger, better looking brother. We just feel so dirty. But blimey, it feels so good.
AND.. Corrigan and Eloise want to add a rather shallow note.. because not only have england suddenly become quite a good little cricket outfit.. they've also become very very attractive..
and we're not saying we are going to join one of those 'OMGZZZ STUART BROAD IS SO CUTE INNIT I SAW HIS BUM ONCE AND I RANG ALL MY FRIENDS AND DIED LOLOLOL XXXX' facebook groups, although they do make some excellent points and valuable contributions to literature and sport, i've heard Michael Atherton uses it as a source for his articles, and they are without exception, hilarious.
They do get some things spot on. Even if mostly, they are bags of fizzing hormones erupting with bad grammar and unhealthy competition with each other over their varying levels of delusion.